Dear (NEA Chairman) Dana Gioia:
I write to you today, not with a request, but with a demand. I’ve been sitting back patiently while the NEA has been promoting anti-Christian “art” for a number of years. In fact, one could say that I have been supporting it, too, given that my tax dollars have been spent on this garbage. And maybe I’ve been supporting it in another way by refusing to write you to express my frustration. That is, until now.
In the spirit of the “separation of church and state,” my demand is that you commission a painting — fully funded with tax dollars — that has one intention and one intention only: To offend Muslims everywhere.
This new painting will help the NEA avoid any accusations of state sponsorship of religion by insulting some religion other than Christianity. In the past, you’ve supported the “Piss Christ” and the “Elephant Dung Mary.” Now, I’m asking you to fund the “Queer Muhammad.”
For this painting, I want the artist to put the Prophet Muhammad in a pink bathrobe. I also want him holding a little toy poodle. Finally, I would like you to feature him reading a copy of “Playgirl” magazine. If you want to get daring, you can also feature him French-kissing Salmon Rushdie. Or better yet, feature him French-kissing Jacques Chirac.
Regardless of the precise form it takes, I want five million reproductions of the “Queer Muhammad” in poster form. It may sound like a large order for a first printing. But here’s what I intend to do with them:
First, I’m going to staple a “Queer Muhammad” on the door of Barbara Streisand. She’s been a real pain in the ass throughout this whole War on Terror. I want to see whether she gains some respect for George W. Bush after Islamic fascists torch her Southern California estate — all for expecting adherents to the “religion of peace” to be as tolerant of homosexuality as Hollywood liberals.
And, then, I’m heading to the Upper West Side to place a “Queer Muhammad” on the door of Michael Moore. That fat joker will be begging Charlton Heston for a gun by the time the New York City Muslims throw their first Molotov cocktail.
Next, we’re off to Colorado to the home of Ward Churchill. After I place a “Queer Muhammad” on his home, I’ll put one on his office door at the university. And, while I’m at it, I’ll hit the office doors of every anti-war professor in America.
I also plan to visit all those professors who have “Darwin fish” on their university office doors. For years, they’ve been desecrating a sacred Christian symbol with impunity. Come to think of it, many have been desecrating an Old Testament religious symbol by using rainbows as a backdrop for those “celebrate diversity” bumper stickers. When they place those on their office doors, they do more than just promote acceptance of sodomy. They ridicule a covenant between God and Noah.
Maybe after the Muslim Student Associations begin ripping down the “Queer Muhammad” posters — always leaving the Darwin fish intact – some of these professors will begin to realize that white Christian heterosexual males really aren’t so bad after all. And maybe some will realize that young Muslim males are the most dangerous demographic group on the face of the planet.
But the professors and the movie stars won’t be the only ones included in my little experiment in tolerance and diversity. I want to make sure to include members of the gay community, too. That’s why the “Queer Muhammad” will be posted on the door of every gay bar in San Francisco.
Under my plan, when California Muslims attack these businesses, the gay political lobby will finally have some use for politically correct and seldom-used “hate crimes” legislation. It will also give that large segment of the gay population — the ones who always need something to whine about — something legitimate to whine about. And it will give Christians a break from the gay mission to invade and pervert the Christian clergy.
That will leave me with about four million “Queer Muhammad” posters for the most ambitious aspect of my plan. This involves hanging posters on the doors of every active member of the National Rifle Association. When the Islamic fascists begin hurling stones at the houses of NRA members, many of my brothers (and sisters)-in-arms will start heading for the nearest gun safe. I know I will.
Maybe a few of these violent Muslims will survive their attack on the First Amendment, after it is thwarted by the Second Amendment. If so, I have a special plan for the Islamic fascist survivors. This plan was inspired by my realization that so many members of the anti-war movement are also members of the pro-gay movement. Here it is, in all its leftist-inspired brilliance:
The NRA members whose homes were attacked will all petition local Democratic prosecutors, the media, and even their Democratic legislators to charge the fascists with hate crimes for attacking the image of the “Queer Muhammad.” This will draw a line in the sand for these Democrats. Will they side with the Muslims against the gays? Or will they side with the gays against the Muslims?
If things work according to my plan, we will be able to kill off a lot of these Muslim terrorists and simply claim self-defense. Even better, we’ll cause significant division and strife among the American Left. After it all goes down, I’ll head to my refrigerator instead of my gun safe.
Then I’ll drink a nice, cold Carlsberg. Bottled and brewed by our allies in Denmark.
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Mike S. Adams was born in Columbus, Mississippi on October 30, 1964. While a student at Clear Lake High School in Houston, TX, his team won the state 5A soccer championship. Mike Adams graduated from C.L.H.S. in 1983 with a 1.8 GPA. Mike Adams was ranked 734 among a class of 740, largely as a result of flunking English all four years of high school. After obtaining an Associate's degree in psychology from San Jacinto College, Mike Adams moved on to Mississippi State University where he joined the Sigma Chi Fraternity. While living in the fraternity house, his GPA rose to 3.4, allowing him to finish his B.A., and then to pursue a Master's in Psychology. In 1990, Mike Adams turned down a chance to pursue a PhD in psychology from the University of Georgia, opting instead to remain at Mississippi State to study Sociology/Criminology. This decision was made entirely on the basis of his reluctance to quit his night job as member of a musical duo. Playing music in bars and at fraternity parties and weddings financed his education. Mike Adams also played for free beer.
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Upon getting his doctorate in 1993, Adams, then an atheist and a Democrat, was hired by UNC-Wilmington to teach in the criminal justice program. A few years later, Adams abandoned his atheism and also became a Republican. He also nearly abandoned teaching when he took a one-year leave of absence to study law at UNC-Chapel Hill in 1998. After returning to teach at UNC-Wilmington, Adams won the Faculty Member of the Year award (issued by the Office of the Dean of Students) for the second time in 2000.
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After his involvement in a well publicized free speech controversy in the wake of the 911 terror attacks, Adams became a vocal critic of the diversity movement in academia. After making appearances on shows like Hannity and Colmes, the O'Reilly Factor, and Scarborough Country, Adams was asked to write a column for Townhall.com.
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Today Mike Adams enjoys the privilege of expressing himself both as a teacher and a writer. Mike Adams is also an avid hunter and reader of classic literature. Mike Adams published his first book, Welcome to the Ivory Tower of Babel, in 2004. His second book, Feminists Say the Darndest Things: A Politically Incorrect Professor Confronts "Womyn" On Campus, was published in 2008.
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